reading other peoples stories
is always a reminder
that no matter how I try
ill partly always be her,
the mad girl inside me
who makes up crazy rules
and has a million guidelines
for how she consumes food
she'd stuck to what works
until she was all alone
and then forgot her vows
and slipped into a zone
she has tons of tricks
but only fools herself
she's conscious of calories
but forgets about health
she eats raw for weeks
and works hard on her abs
but then eats pounds of crap
until she nearly gags
once the purgings through
she'd wake up in despair
stare at her reflection
wishing it wasn't there
and after some self-help
she tried to just forget
what's done is done & gone
but it isn't over yet
in days to follow falling
I'm back to being me
a smart, thin healthy person
or so I want to be
but everyone else knows it
She'd just be switching sides
the psycho with a sore throat
is now back to baby bites
and when she's a fair lady
and tries to look really lean
the idea of food is upsetting
and she can be very mean
mostly just internally
because she'll never get as thin
as she wishes she could be
this game she just can't win
so I'm glad that there are books
that remind me that there's hope
when drowning in ED
I can reach
and grab a rope
many women came before me
with this devil diet brain
and I'm sure there is a cure
that can make us all more sane
I doubt that its diet pills,
diuretic or laxative
Its more like meditation
or seeking Higher will
I haven't found an answer
and I doubt anyone has
but I'm working towards a solution
and that's all I can for now
so, as I'm in a good place
i'll share just what I know
and try to find comfort
and set some short term goals
for today, I'm purge free
and keeping it at that
and I know normal lifestyle
won't make me big and fat
I want to thank miss de rossi
for sharing her past
If we all speak up about it
we can stop this thing at last
© LL
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