unintended pretension

i'm burning bidges without matches
because i can't turn back
i was stuck in situations
and was under close attack
i've been hated and horrified
for what i had no choice
and i've been trying to leave there
without using my voice
i snuck out without trying
to hurt a single soul
but in the meantime i was casted
in a very ugly role
and now that i've got nothing
to show for
9 months of total hell
i'm left wondering what happened
and why it didn't go so well
i never intended for anyone
to be hurt by my presence
and in the middle of just living
my person brought distress
without willful action
whatever happened
turned everyone to enemy
and i was silent and took in
everything that was said to me
i never verbalized what i thought
or even spoke about
what i wanted
i was pushed and shoved around
i asked for help
WITH reservation
and tried to just blend
i didn't ask for anyone
to even slightly bend
and now in aftermath
i see
that no one really tried
to just be my friend
while i swallowed all my pride
every action that was taken
was selfish underneath
what appeared to just be
assistance in need
but now that i know
how i can turn
a friend into a swimfan
it's frightening
the affect
my little person has
my flesh and bones
can turn a stone
into a fire breathing rock
and it's not just this once
that i made a person crack
without trying
or denying
what i was doing
i was turned into
worse
than a scary villan
how could i
be so powerful
without a single thought
of creating any trouble
for who i thought i wouldn't
it makes me fear every move
and i'm glad that i'm alone
when i'm friendless
and independant
theres no one here to burn
what happened
in that place
makes me feel naive
and what i hear
or what i read
i never will again believe
i'm afraid
the whole world
will find weakness in me
and take my kindness
as a threat
and kick me to my knees
i've been a victim
of advantage
since the day i began to breathe
and i'm sick and tired
of being the last to see it
so steady in my head
is the way
that i should stay
and souly rely
on my own life
until my dying day

© LL