venture and error

eloquence has it's downfalls and never fully sums up the sincerity inside of me that has also filled me with doubts that i don't deserve the distasteful disgrace that my own indifference brought. i did what i was dealing with by following my gut and in the meantime i did what most would simply never get. i'm drowing in my dejection from when i was a jerk and vowed to change something but of, i'm not sure what. so i'm going to take the plane he'll help me get on and suffer with the restraint of doing whatever it is i want. if i gave a child a lolipop that i had once won, it's no longer mine to suck upon its been traded just for fun. i don't think i can get back what i had because it's shot. we simply can't erase the time i took to find a world filled with bad luck. you were the only part of the human race that saw past my face. you knew my mind so well inside that you must know now how i've changed. i'm sure i can't see the best of me the way i know you've said because for what i did to the both of us... i might as well be dead.