unsure

a response to emotion
that was too strong to hold
brought me onto a train
and back to my old world
on a comfortable person
in a familiar place
with a person i know
with a memorable face
the feeling i felt
is the same as before
melting completion
and being utterly adored
he loves me so much
i'm sure that he does
but what does it matter
when i'm stuck in a rut?
if i take care of me
and go back to his life
will i relapse again
if he made me his wife?
he does understand why i left back then
but with everything different
could we try us again?
i'm healthy and growing
in holistic wellness
and my body feels brilliant
and my mind is a magnet
for new information
and healing powers
but my own life is a mess
like leaning towers
my brain is confused
and my mind is uneasy
and my feelings are infrequent
and my words don't have meaning
i'm trying to center and focus on my gut
but my stomach is in knots
and i feel like a nut
maybe i'm just sure of what i felt
and now i'm buying time
until i can get there again
but in the meantime
whats my next right move?
do i research New York
or stay in Florida to make roots?
God, please, just give me direction
i know i've asked before
but this time i mean it,
i'm really not sure.

© LL